Hope in the Midst of Doubt

When I was in college I went through a season of deep questioning and doubt. I was majoring in Religion and I found that my theology classes were unsettling and reorienting a lot of my ideas about faith that I had formulated in my youth. Yet still, during these difficult moments in my faith life I still found myself going to church nearly every Sunday.

I think a big reason for this is because attending church was such a deeply instilled habit within me. I was so accustomed to attending church on Sunday mornings that it just didn’t feel right to do anything else.

And so, I would go to church and sit in the pews and I would critique and dissect everything about the church service. All the readings, all the prayers, the sermon… all of it just filled me with more and more questions and unease.

But then it would be time for communion and even though I had no idea at that time what communion could possibly mean for me, I still found myself walking forward to receive the bread and wine at the front of the church. And as I walked forward the only prayer I could think to pray was, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”

I didn’t realize this until many years later, long after I had moved past this season of doubt, but every Sunday after I would pray “Lord I believe, help my unbelief” the very next thing that I would hear would be a person saying to me, “This is the body and blood of Christ given and shed for you.”

Even in our doubts, Jesus still finds ways to break into our lives; to comfort us; to care for us; to be with us. We might not notice it until years later, but even in our times of doubt, Jesus will break in. Even in doubt, there is still reason for hope.

Peace,
Pastor Nate